The New School Year

It's that time of year again, the new school year.  For us that means evening gymnastics, football, fall baseball, and Battle Club.  It means we keep to a schedule and we are always busy. 

However as a homeschooling family it also means the endless questions of what we do, how we do it, and why we chose this lifestyle.  For years the first week of public school has always brought with it anxiety, anger, and stress for me.  I always cry and feel guilt when I see the first day of school pictures, or see the stories about riding the bus, new teachers, old friends.  I go through this "oh no what have I done" scenario.  I stress, I worry, I feel guilty because what if I am truly hurting my kids in some way by keeping them home with me?!?!?  Are they missing out on some of life's greatest adventures, are they missing out on some "right of passage"?  Every year since we have started homeschooling these questions have hit me with force.

But not this year!  This year I didn't feel any anger, or stress, or anxiety.  I talked to the kids and asked them if they felt like they were missing anything, I asked them if they felt left out, or weird.  Guess what they miss: recess and lockers.  That's it!  I offered to buy Mason a locker which was met with an eye roll and a "that's a waste of money Mom".  Good boy!!!  After talking with them quite a bit about school they did tell me that they get sick of kids thinking they stay in their jammies all day long and watch tv.  Ryley even said a girl asked her where she went to school and when she said she was homeschooled the girl replied "oh so you just sit around your house all day and do nothing?!?!?"  I asked Ryley how she responded and she said she told her "no my Mom makes us do all of our school work every single day!".  I am so glad to hear that at the very least my kids are standing up for themselves about homeschooling.  They try not to brag about all the great things (like getting to sleep in, finishing work early, taking field trips, taking nice days off to just be outside, etc.) but sometimes they use those examples of why they love to homeschool.  It makes me proud to be their mother and their teacher and it makes me feel like we have made the right decision for our family.

It is funny though how the first week of school brings out the most criticism.  I almost dread the question of "where do your kids go to school", because you never know what the reaction is going to be.  Here are some normal ones "Oh I could never do that", "how do they get socialization", "I was going to do that but chose private school instead", "don't you worry about their education", "well you guys aren't weird at all", "do you hate public school", "oh I don't blame you, kids these days...", on and on and on....  I never seem to have a good answer for these statements.  I always smile and just say that I love it most days and it just works great for our family.  Because that is just it, we chose this education path because it just works best for us.  We are not anti-government, anti-public schools, super religious, or crazy over protective (okay so maybe we lean a bit on the over protective side!).  We just decided a long time ago that homeschooling would fit our crazy schedule and allow us to spend more time with our kids.  Most days I do love it and then some days I am ready to put them on the bus and wave goodbye.  I feel like this is my calling in life, this is where God wants me to be right now. 

So this year instead of being upset I am focusing on the awesome things I am blessed to do with my kids each and every day and I have asked my kids to do the same.  Yes, some days we are in our jammies all day long, some days we take off just to enjoy the weather, and some days we sit in our school room and do "boring" school all day long.  But each day is a blessing and one I intend to enjoy.  I am no longer mad at people for assuming my kids are super smart or falling behind.  They are smart in some areas and they are behind in others.  We all are.  I am no longer upset that they might be missing out on things, because I know they are missing out on things, but they are getting to do other things (if they were in school all day they would miss being together, they would miss talking to everyone at Lucky's on grocery day, they would miss helping take care of the animals and the garden).  Instead of becoming defensive when someone ask questions I am going to remind myself how blessed I am that I have the freedom to decide how to school because not everyone has that freedom.  I am going to let the negative slide because the positive is far better! 

So good luck to you all as you start your school year.  May this year be filled with joy, hope, and blessings!

I just wish that every week could be like this one.  The kids were excited to do their school work, everything was planned, the supplies were new, the house was cleaned......now it is Friday and the dishes are piled up, the yard looks like a jungle, and the supplies are a jumbled mess of chaos.  The joys of the first week of school abound.

Whole 30 Wrap Up

Thursday marks 30 days of healthy eating for us and we have learned quite a bit.  So instead of a small Facebook post I have decided to blog about it.
What I have learned:
Sugar addiction is real and very hard to break!
30 days is not long enough for me to cut that addiction (my body hates sugar, but my brain loves it!).
Groceries are expensive when you are eating well, but there are cheaper ways, and I am working at getting our grocery budget back to an acceptable place.
I can't wait to have a large garden.
I enjoy eating vegetables (especially when they are roasted to the point that they are almost burnt!)
Telling people you are doing whole 30 or paleo brings out weird responses, so from now on, we are not paleo we are just eating healthy. 
I need more skillets (one big one and one small one just don't cut it)
I don't miss my toaster
I do miss the convenience of the drive through or microwave meals, or sandwiches. 
I miss my flavored coffee.
I have an amazing amount of energy (even though I am sleepy most days because the girls are not in a good sleeping routine yet.).
My stomach is feeling much better.
I am no longer so bloated that people wonder if I am pregnant.
I have not lost weight but my shape has changed (this was never about losing weight, because I don't want or need to lose any!).
I can't wait to start exercising so I can feel even better.
I still feel guilty telling my kids they can't have treats (I am learning to make healthier treats for them).
I love that my kids think orange peppers and blueberries are treats now.
I need a second fridge for fresh snacks.
I love my new food processor.
I am becoming a better cook (using spices and making meals I have never tried before).
Eating this way is not THAT hard.  It takes preparation, planning, and a bit of practice.
I have found that if I keep ground meat in the freezer I can have a quick meal on the table for those nights that I just don't feel like cooking a big meal or when I forget to thaw out meat :)
I love to cook, but I hate doing the dishes.
I felt like part of my identity died when I gave up my white flour and sugar.  I have always enjoyed baking for my family and others, it has been my passion for a while.  So now I am determined to find alternative ways to bake, better ways to make occasional treats that don't taste like cardboard or Styrofoam.
I was very upset that I had an allergic reaction to coconut!  That was my go to "sweet" and my way to continue baking.  I now think it was actually a great thing because I was trying to replace sweets with coconut, and now I must face the fact that I don't need sweets!
Even though our 30 days are coming to an end, this has been a very successful time and we plan to keep eating healthy and finding a better way to slow down and be a stronger family!  We want to give our kids the best path to healthy living so they can make the best choices in eating and in life.  We are still learning, we are going to make less healthy choices now and then, but we are going to be a bit more conscious on how certain foods affects us and if those affects are worth the treat.  Eventually we are going to try to add in a few things (real butter, real cream, honey, pure maple syrup) just to help offset some of the cost and to give us options, but my theory is if we don't miss a food it isn't coming back.  Thanks to those of you who have offered advice, and help.  Thank you to those of you who didn't role your eyes or give me some crazy lecture, and thank you to my amazing husband who not once balked at this idea!  Ryan I couldn't do anything without you by my side and I feel so super blessed that we get to live this crazy life together!   

Giving up the cape

That's right, I am officially giving up the cape.  I no longer want to be super Mom!  I just want to be good enough.  Super Mom works for awhile and then all the sudden you realize that you are just super tired.  People ask me all the time how I do it with four kids, homeschooling, etc etc.  I just smile and say I don't know how I do it.  So here is the truth: I don't do it: At least not alone.  Ryan is home most evenings to help me, we have a great network of family and friends to help us, and our kids are huge helps.  Plus, no one sees me at home yelling for the kids to clean up, or stop arguing, or to just be quiet and give me a minute.  No one sees me exhausted falling asleep every night at 8:00 before Ryan has even put the kids to bed.  So for now I am going to stop trying to do so much.  I am going to let things go and focus on only the things I feel are important.  I am in the process of restructuring my life so I can spend more time on the things that I want to do and less time on the things I think I "should" do.  Do you know how many times I say "well I should do........"  Tons!  And I bet if you listen to yourself for a day you will hear that same phrase.  Instead of doing things I think I should, I am going to do the things I need to do and the things I want to do.  The things I should do are going to be thoroughly thought through and then done or discarded (without the guilt I usually feel!).  My other goal in giving up the cape is to stop trying to mother the world.  The world can take care of themselves!  I am here to take care of my children, support my husband, and be there for our family/friends.  I am not here to solve every one's problems, listen to every one's complaints, or give everyone I know advice.  I do not need to ride to the rescue every time someone calls me, nor do I need to go overboard in helping others.  I have to learn how to help in a manner that doesn't cause me to be too exhausted for my own little family.  Lastly, I have to learn to accept help.  This is a very tough thing for me to do!  I love to be in control, and manage life so it doesn't get out of control.  I have a hard time asking for help from anyone, and I have an even harder time asking for time by myself.  This must stop and I must have help or I won't be able to give my best everyday.  Someone told me recently that I am like a battery that is dead at the end of the day, I get just enough recharge in the night to get up and drain it again.  Some days I feel like my battery is drained before I even get out of bed.  So here is to learning how to recharge my battery, take care of the things that matter the most to me, and enjoying this crazy life!

Love

Since it is now February let's talk about LOVE.  First let me just say that we don't celebrate Valentine's day.  In fact we have been known to forget that it is even a holiday.  I don't want Ryan to spend extra money just because everyone else is buying into some made up holiday and spending crazy amounts on flowers and chocolate.  I would rather he just tell me he loves me, or occasionally buy me flowers, or chocolate, or let me sleep in on a Saturday (did you read that honey, ha ha ha).  I have no problem with others celebrating and I have been known to make a heart shaped cake or pancakes for the kids. 
Love is a word that gets thrown around a lot.  I love chocolate (do you seen a pattern), I love my life, I love my kids, I love my family, I love the Lord.....the use is endless, and I can think of several things that I LOVE.  But is love easy?  Is love never ending? 
I will be the first one to say that I am not always easy to love (again, I can be mean, and fussy!) and I think most people would agree that loving someone is not always easy.  It takes work.  Someone the other day said she encourages young people to not get married young because it never works out.  While I agree that marriage shouldn't be entered into lightly, I dislike when people use the word never or always.  There are exceptions to the rules.  Ryan and I met when I was 16 and we have changed a lot since we met.  But one thing that didn't change was our desire to make our relationship work no matter what.  This is the message that we should be sending, not some blanket statement that young marriages never work.  Marriages are work no matter what age you are and it takes two people to make it work.  Love has to be part of a marriage, but wow there is so much more!  You need compromise, understanding, passion, and a will to make things work always.  You need communication and you have to be willing to change with the other person because as life comes, you will change.  I know Ryan and I have a long way to go before we can be "experts" on the subject of marriage, but I hope my kids look at our relationship and know that while marriage isn't easy it is totally worth it.
Is love never ending?  Hmmmm I don't know.  You can love someone even if they are not with you, but I don't know if love has an end.  I hope that we will know love in all its forms in heaven so maybe it is never ending.  I know for certain that God's love is never ending, he doesn't care how bad we mess up, he will always love us no matter what, which is a great feeling because as you all know now I mess up all the time.
Love you all!

Motherhood "the crappy"

So I hope "crappy" doesn't offend anyone, but well it was the cleanest word I could think of.  Motherhood is a job that no amount of reading, studying, or talking to others can prepare you for.  It is ever changing, it is a marathon with no end, it is Mount Everest.  While I love being a mother, I don't always love it.  There are moments I think back on those carefree days of college and think "Wow, I wish to relive that for a day!".  But the funny thing about motherhood is that I wouldn't change it for anything.  It is truly the only job for me, and I do love it most of the time.  However, there are moments that being a Mom is just no fun at all and I want to throw my hands in the air and scream "I QUIT!".
For example: When I give the big kids an asignment and I am met with screaming, fussing, throwing pencils/paper, and I HATE SCHOOL.  All the while Jodie is in the bathroom and has peed in the floor because she has once again waited to long, and while I am cleaning up that mess Faith poops up her back and ruins another outfit.  While I am changing her Ryan is calling wondering why I am not answering the phone.  This now means I have to do laundry, clean the bathroom, along with the dishes, the floors, and get everyone ready to leave for some activity.  By the time I am finished getting stuff cleaned up I have completely forgot that we were in the middle of school and by the time I get back to it, 3:00pm has snuck up on us and Ryan will be home in 15 minutes.  The big kids are still upset about the assignment and I am ready to pull out all of my hair, and no amount of cleaning will make the house look clean unless the kids are in bed.   
So now you know the truth of the Silverwood family!  We may act like we have it all together, but it is just an act.  We are usually fighting in the car on the way to church, or upset with each other when we pull into a parking lot.  However, we get out do whatever it is we are going to do and resume the craziness when we get home.  There are moments of pure bliss, but again those are always followed by moments of complete chaos.  It is always loud and messy at our house, and I imagine when the kids are all grown we will look back on these days and miss them.  However, right now we just want to survive :)

Motherhood "the bad"

Why as mothers (or just women in general) do we feel it necessary to say we are fine even if we are not?  I know that most people are just being polite when they say "how are you doing".  So I almost always answer "I am great, or I am fine, or can't complain".  Most days though I want to say "oh my goodness, I am losing my mind, or I wish someone would put me in a extended time out, or bring me chocolate and I will think about unlocking my self from the bathroom."  People also ask "how's school going", to which I always reply "great, so much better than last year.", but some days I want to say "horrible, I hate it, or "man I wish I felt right about just putting them back into public school and calling it quits, or school, what's that?" 
This week alone I texted Ryan multiple times to say I needed chocolate (he questioned it, but brought some anyway).  Once in awhile I think it would be nice to just unload all my stress, and guess what?!?  I can!  God is there no matter what time of day always willing to listen and always ready to calm me down.  The problem is I forget.  I would rather complain to Ryan then take my problems to God.  I mean really God has given me so much, so part of the time I feel like complaining is being ungrateful for all that I have.  What I need to remember (as I am sure many do) that God never promised that life would be easy, he just promised to be there for us every step of the way.  Last night I laid down on the floor from sheer exhaustion, but guess what God picked me up, we had dinner, another long night, and the next day I woke up and did it all again.  I am quite certain that God is carrying me right now, because there is no way that I am this strong by myself.
Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever love, but as true as this is there are days that I don't feel like I love this job, there are days when I am mean, hard to love, and I don't like myself very much.  But guess what God is still there and he is waiting for me to come back and listen to him.  I am trying very hard to be better at the craziness that is homeschooling, 4 kids, a husband, a budget, and trying to move to simplify life: but WOW!  Lets just say that I am going to keep turning to God and hopefully Ryan will keep bringing me chocolate :)

Motherhood Fun :)

So for today's post I will post the funnier side of motherhood, but don't worry I will give you the good, the bad, and the just plain crappy soon enough ;) 
Faith is teething, which is exciting, funny, and quite painful for some of us.  She will be nursing nicely and then all the sudden stop, smile, and bite the **** out of me.  So I say "NO NO don't bite mommy", which makes her laugh.  Ugh, really already you are defying me?!?!?!
Mason told me the other day that if he was a monster he would eat me and not his dad because with Dad he would just get meat, with me he would get meat and milk (a complete meal).  I guess that means I am a value meal.
For those of you who haven't heard, Jodie's favorite movie is Soul Surfer (if you haven't seen this movie go right now and rent it!  It is that good!!!).  However, I am more than a little disturbed by the fact that my 4 year old's favorite part is when the shark bites the girl's arm off.  She loves that part, and now acts it out almost daily.  She also threatened to hit me if I talked about her big buddy Uncle Tommy (I think Aunt Erin better watch her back).
Ryley is our conversationalist.  You ask her what she learned at school and she says "nothing".  You ask her how gymnastics was "fine".  You ask her anything at all and chances are you are going to be getting a one word answer (but never fear, Jodie will talk your ear off, so usually she just answers for Ryley).  The other day one of the Mom's at gymnastics said her daughter had asked Ryley if she wanted to come to their house and Ryley of course said no.  I told the Mom that Ryley had never said anything to us.  I thought that kids didn't start keeping things from their parents until they were teens.
Conversations and funny moments like these happen daily at the Silverwood house, which is good because as you will soon see it is not always funny here.